Lest I Forget

  Ella would not take these new rain boots off for days...
  Wyatt surrounded by his sweet aura...
  Titus, fearless and enjoying life...

As I prepare to dive into the world of homeschooling and all it's responsibilities, I've realized more than ever how very selfish I am. Yes, though I'm sure it's hard to believe (wink, wink), never before have I seen the extent of this and it's true nature. How did I come to realize this? Well... I'm in the process of mourning. Mourning pursuing things that I think will make me happy during the day. "Wait!" you say... "You need to be fulfilled to be a good mom!" But let's define what might be fulfilling to a person like me...
Just recently our computer needed some time off (it quit) and left me in an empty daze wondering what I could possibly find to do while the kids were entertained or asleep. Though the few first days felt as if I were missing a foot and yet still constantly forgetting why I was limping, I slowly found myself realizing there was more to do than peruse news articles and celebrity pictures(yes I know, causes me to blush just typing it!). I found that I could in fact finish my bills in a short amount of time and even do ALOT of reading! In the three weeks of being disconnected from the internet, I was able to complete "Searching for God in a Land of Shallow Wells." "Facing East," and "The Way of a Pilgrim." Yes, I need a blue ribbon for my "accomplishments."
While reading these books and listening to the voices of these fellow Orthodox faithful whom brilliantly illuminate in vividly different ways their journeys to a merciful Christ; I realized that I was not allowing my journey to sink in. I was trudging along, barely surviving, nibbling stale bread and thirsting for water. This journey I'm on is rich with detail, with sacrifice, and a little bit of snot on my new black shirt that I've discovered while on the way out the door headed for church knowing there is nothing else clean...
These children are not mine, they are the Lord's. I'm a steward of three of His most valuable jewels, His treasure beyond compare. May I always remember this! Most especially when my daughter is pretending to be Rajah (Princess Jasmine's tiger) and insists on using her "paws" to pick something up that I've asked her to grab for me. If I might forget who she is and call her Ella (gasp), she will kindly remind me, "Now what's my name?" Oh yes, Rajah, isn't it?
Or when Titus the Detroyer has ransacked my purse I once again forgot to zip shut, may I remember the way he crawls up to me and grasps my knees to aid on his way to a stand, and not at all demanding as all his other actions might seem to indicate that his next move might be, he just silently smiles up at me with his eyes full of love, waiting for me to deem it the right moment to lift him up...
And of course, may I not forgot while Wyatt is screaming for his next meal (this guy could eat non-stop yet for some reason hates his high chair) in his high chair while I put his bib on, the way his enormous brown eyes look as they smile up at me while he's nursing; the goofy giggle he gets when he anticipates a game of peek-a-boo right before I turn out the lights at night; and the satisfied smile that lights his face when we praise him for working so hard to crawl despite his hypotonacity.
So, instead of putting that movie on while the boys are asleep, or cleaning while they play hoping that I will have less to do after they go to sleep; I pray that I can fully partake of the moment when Ella asks me to "hunt deer with her as the mommy tiger," or while wrestling with Titus one more time, or while snuggling with Wyatt while reading him another story. I will have all the alone time I need in 20 plus years when they are on their own. Please, let me not forget what I have now.